Has anyone ever been attacked by a mole?

Serious question.

Hey, Gracie Ann Gurley here with Tale 15, wondering where all the hate on moles comes from?

They’re tiny. They don’t make noise. They don’t eat very much. 

But they make my Daddy go crazy.

We’ve had many invaders around here. Raccoons. Squirrels… so many squirrels. Possums. Copperheads. Even bats.

Me and my best buds Ellie and Norman have taken them all on. 

We’re not scared.

So when I heard we had a mole, we were ready.

Then we found out what a mole does.

It digs tunnels and makes little piles of dirt.

That’s it?

Moles have never been a problem because our neighbor Dickie always took care of them. He did it for everyone in the neighborhood. 

Dickie drove around scouting for the little rascals in this itty-bitty car humans call a golf cart. He always let me jump in for a ride. And treats. 

We were partners and I was his good luck charm.

One summer “we” caught 88 moles.

Eighty-eight!

That was the last summer I saw Dickie. I really miss him and our hunting rides. 

So, Daddy decided to take over for Dickie and he was going to use our yard to practice. 

He bought two shiny new mole traps that looked like giant scissors. I think I know what the scissors are supposed to do.

That seems extreme.

I remember the morning Daddy found the little mountains of dirt everywhere. 

How can a human be so unhappy with an animal no larger than a Milk-Bone biscuit?

Momma was very entertained by this.

She started calling Daddy “Carl.”

What? 

My Daddy’s name is not Carl!

Momma told me there’s a human movie about a goofy guy named Carl who never could catch a gopher.

Momma says it’s the dumbest movie ever.

Daddy says it’s the best movie ever.

But there Daddy was, every morning and evening, smashing down the mole’s little mountains.

It looked like a game to me and we all knew who was winning. 

Daddy smashed.

Mole built.

Daddy smashed.

Mole built.

This went on for days.

Momma could hardly contain her enjoyment. 

We all figured the mole was having fun.

But he didn’t know my Daddy. 

One morning Daddy came back with a big smile and something caught in his giant scissors. 

He said it was a mole. 

To be honest, Daddy might have gone out and bought one just to make us think he’s some kind of big-game hunter.

But the little mountains in the yard stopped coming up.

I guess Daddy won. 

For now. 

Does that mean we have to go through this 87 more times?

And how about that photo? I felt so bad for Daddy.

Really.

Related Tales from Gracie

Tale #4: Coyote poop. A strange discovery on a walk has Gracie teaching Daddy a thing or two about coyotes, poop and paying attention.

Tale #13: Our crack security system found a bat (a real one!). Gracie, Ellie and Norman hear something their humans don’t. Then things go completely cattywampus.